


The Annoying Inconvenience Of House Training Your Android Boyfriend

by mechanomorphic



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Blatantly Ignoring Toryiama's Fusion Rules Because Fuck Canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Cell Gets Revived AU, Cell Is A Service Top Change My Mind, Fighting, Frieza Being A Terrifying Manlet, Gen, Just A Fic Of The Author Being On Their Bullshit, M/M, The Ginyu Force Are Already Here Because I Love Them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21786760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechanomorphic/pseuds/mechanomorphic
Summary: “Why don’t we collect the Dragon Balls and wish back Zarbon and Dodoria like we did the Ginyu Force?”Frieza huffed, “Please. Zarbon and Dodoria were fine at the time - but now they couldn’t even handle Vegeta’s brat. No. We’re going to have to be a little more…” A smile spread across his face, “Unconventional. Shall we say.”- - -Frieza wants Cell to join his evil empire so he can finally get a handle on this 'fusion' thing and take down Goku and Vegeta.Cell thinks this is better than being dead. Slightly.
Relationships: Cell/Frieza (Dragon Ball)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	The Annoying Inconvenience Of House Training Your Android Boyfriend

Lord Frieza sat on the command deck, legs crossed with his tail swishing back and forth - a clear sign he was agitated. Because of that, most of the crew had vanished from the ship’s deck, not wanting to incur the wrath of the galactic overlord.

Which only served to piss Frieza off more. Without someone to take his anger out on, it just stewed inside him.

He was surprised by the sound of the door opening, gently footsteps following. He snarled, about to give the visitor a piece of his mind.

Berryblue spoke first, “Ginyu told me that you’ve scared everyone off the main deck.”

Frieza rolled his eyes.

“Don’t give me that.” Berryblue said, pointing a finger at him, “You’ve been sulking for days now, what’s the matter? Is it about that Saiyan kid?”

“No.” Frieza muttered, “It’s about Goku-”

“Of course.” Berryblue muttered, Frieza decided to ignore it.

“He and Vegeta have learned a technique that allows them to increase their power level significantly - fusion.” Frieza’s face twisted, “At this rate, I’ll never become strong enough to stand a chance against them like _that_ .” He gestured to the empty space around him, “And look at this place! The Frieza Force is in disarray! Zarbon and Dodoria are _dead,_ father and Cooler are _dead,_ most of the Ginyu Force are still recovering and Vegeta’s ran off to go play hero!” He gripped the bridge of his non-existent nose, “It’s times like these I almost regret getting rid of those monkeys. They at least made good fighters.” Frieza spun his chair around to glare at the assortment of low-level officers currently huddled at the door, “Unlike these _morons!_ ” He turned the chair back around, so he could look out to the stars and sulk.

Berryblue ignored Frieza’s childish outburst, “Why don’t we collect the Dragon Balls and wish back Zarbon and Dodoria like we did the Ginyu Force?”

Frieza huffed, “Please. Zarbon and Dodoria were fine at the time - but now they couldn’t even handle Vegeta’s brat. No. We’re going to have to be a little more…” A smile spread across his face, “Unconventional. Shall we say.”

* * *

Cell was alive. He could feel it - the weight of gravity, oxygen in the air, and pain - actual, real pain - in his joints. It was so delightfully nostalgic that, for that brief moment, Cell didn’t even think about the fact someone would’ve had to revive him. Cell just sat there, keeled over and staring at the ground, he dug his nails into the ground. Just so he could _feel_. Because of how dark it was, Cell didn’t realise the ground was metal until he got his claws under it.

Cell heard someone cough, and he looked up.

“...Frieza?” He asked, dumbfounded. Since when was Frieza alive? How did he get here? And, much more importantly: what did he want with Cell?

“You’re alive. And not a brain-dead idiot, that’s good.” Frieza said, leaning down, “My apologies, Cell, but my only source on what you were like was from Goku, and let’s be honest, he hardly talked about your mental capabilities.”

“Perfect Cell.” The android corrected.

Frieza blinked, “Pardon?”

“My name isn’t ‘Cell’, Frieza. It’s Perfect Cell.”

Frieza smiled, a cruelness reflected in his eyes, “My apologies, Perfect Cell.” His tail lashed about, “Since it’s the first time we’ve met I’ll let the insubordination slide, but from now on I expect you to address me as ‘Lord Frieza’.”

“Insubordination?” Cell parroted, “What the hell do you mean?! I don’t work for you - I don’t work for anybody! I’m the perfect being.”

A stranger stepped forward, a vicious snarl on their face. He was about to say - or probably yell - something before Frieza put his hand out, ordering the alien to stand down. Which he did. Frieza’s eyes returned to Cell.

“Now, I get you not entirely understanding what’s happening now - you having been dead, and all - but there’s one thing we must get straight.” Frieza paused, Cell just waited curiously. He flinched when suddenly Frieza’s tail wrapped around his neck, “I brought you back from Hell. You’ll work for me, for now. And maybe one day, I’ll let you run off and destroy as many stars as you desire. But right now? I need you. You can either work with me willingly, or I’ll make you suffer like you never have before.”

Cell smirked, “Please, you were killed by the Prince’s little _brat_ . How could you ever compare to _me?_ ”

Frieza closed his eyes, sucking in a breath, “Hard way it is.” He muttered. Frieza turned to the alien stood behind him, “Ginyu. Leave us.”

“But Lord Frieza-”

“I want to break our newest recruit in.” Frieza said, tightening his tail around Cell’s throat. “Don’t worry.” His smirk darkened, “This won’t take long.”

“As you wish, Lord Frieza.” The lackey left, leaving Frieza and Cell alone in the dark room.

“Now then, Cell.” Frieza released his tail from around Cell’s neck, “Show me _perfection._ ”

* * *

Cell was by no means a bad fighter, he’d simply been outgrown. In his previous life, Cell would’ve been a worthy adversary no doubt (part of him considered returning to his third or second forms and making this a proper fight, but Cell would probably be offended by that. Besides, that wasn’t the point of the exercise). He was strong, yes, and his ability to copy techniques was as exciting as it was irritating but he was sloppy. He believed so thoroughly that he had Frieza outclassed that he was leaving himself open at every turn. Though Frieza didn’t take the opportunity. No, not yet.

He focused on dodging the androids attacks (not that it was particularly hard) and getting a good sense of his style and ability. And, as much as the android got on his nerves, Cell was exactly what he was looking for. Frieza grabbed Cell’s arm, watching giddily as the android tried to pull away.

“Not that I’m bored or anything…” Frieza said, “But either actually try to hit me, or I’ll have to start hitting back.”

Cell snarled, like the beastly thing that he was, “How dare you-” He tried harder to pull away, “How dare you mock me, either _fight me_ or I’ll kill you and your entire ship!”

“Why, Perfect Cell,” Frieza crooned, “‘Fighting’ you would mean you’d actually be a challenge for me. And let us face facts-” He tugged the android closer, “That’s just not true.”

Cell tore away, leaving his arm still in Frieza’s grasp. The galactic emperor blinked, what the-

He didn’t have time to finish the thought, as a disgustingly wet hand had just punched him - rather hard - in the face. Frieza looked at Cell again.

The damn thing could _regenerate._ And very quickly.

“My, that’s a neat little party trick.”

The android was _livid_ , snarling as he leapt towards Frieza - almost pinning him as he caught the icejin off-guard. Frieza however was not afraid - he was _grinning._ A chaotic, devious laughter began filling the dark metal room, bouncing off the walls as Frieza dodged Cell’s attacks - the android clearly getting closer with each pounce.

“Amazing!” Frieza exclaimed, “You hold all this hidden potential! All I had to do was give you _motivation!”_

Cell didn’t respond, but used Frieza’s ramblings to find an opening - grabbing the icejin by the throat and slamming him into the ground as hard as he could.

The dust around them settled, and Frieza was _still laughing._

“Well,” Frieza stated, sounding very calm despite the android’s tightening grip on his throat, “I believe I’ve seen enough.”

Cell barely had time to notice the ki in Frieza’s hand, pressed against his chest, before it tore him in two. Frieza moved his hand upwards, cutting off Cell’s arm. The icejin stood up, tossing the arm that was previously wrapped around his throat into the pile of Cell.

The emperor shivered, covered in Cell’s disgusting blood. He needed a bath.

“H...How?” The android wheezed out, “How are you this much more powerful?!”

Frieza didn’t even bother looking at Cell, more concerned with wiping as much _gunk_ off himself before his minions got curious, “I’ll happily show you, if you join me of course.”

Cell still seemed anxious, Frieza finally looked down at him. The arm had already grown back but the rest of him seemed to take a little longer. The icejin leaned down, cupping Cell’s face.

“I’ve heard so much of you, Perfect Cell,” Frieza said softly, “How you desecrated your own family to gain more power, how you threw a whole _tournament_ just for the _fun_ of it. But despite all that, I don’t see myself in you.” Frieza’s grip grew tighter, “You have no _motivation._ There’s no malice behind your hatred for Goku, just… instinct.” He pulled Cell’s face closer to his own, “Let me be your motivation, let me mold and re-create you! We could do so much, _together._ We’ll be unstoppable.”

“So this is what you wanted?” Cell hissed, “A partner?”

“More accurately, a second in command.” Frieza corrected, “I’ve dealt with so many traitors and backstabbers, and all they’ve done is disappoint me.”

“I could kill you.” Cell replied, “Each time you cause me to regenerate, I return stronger.”

Frieza chuckled, “Wouldn’t be _fun_ without a little risk.”

Cell’s frown finally shifted to a smirk, “Well, what are we waiting for, _Lord_ Frieza?”

The icejin laughed, letting go of the android’s face and heading towards the door, “ _My_ first order of business is a bath, after that we’ll set you up with a room, then lunch. I’m sure dying made you _extremely_ hungry.”

Cell decided to not disclose the fact he didn’t _need_ to eat as he reformed his legs. The android stood up, towering over his new commander. Cell wasn’t sure what to make of Frieza - he seemed to flip flop between cold and collected and criminally insane, but that almost made him more alluring to Cell as the icejin’s actions were completely unpredictable.

“Don’t disappoint me, Perfect Cell.” Frieza said, snapping the android out of his thoughts, “Or I’ll make you _wish_ you could die.”

**Author's Note:**

> might make this multichapter if anyones interested or i have the time. was sitting in my docs under the wip name 'fricell is good and also fuckyou' for a while so i decided to finish it up and post it.  
> if you cant find the content you want for your rarepair, homemade is fine.  
> its 3am and i have no idea if im going to regret this in the morning.


End file.
